A very difficult few days, to say the least! Personal issues, better left for a more personal journal:)
So back to the matter at hand.... my weight!

I am down 4 pounds, which is just fine by me. I am amazed how quickly the cravings disappear for all things white. I have to say, though, that the high amount of fat leaves me somewhat nauseous, and not really hungry. I find I have 1 really good meal, and then spend the rest of the day snacking on nuts; mostly pistachios and almonds. It seems to be all I need.
I really feel that the media has done a number on us with respect to what is good and what is not good for us. And now, they are saying that they made a mistake where eggs are concerned; that the yolks actually do not contribute to high cholesterol levels! Go figure! And now, they are looking into the relationship between DNA, food metabolism and weight maintenance, and are speculating that they will be able to determine which foods will be the best for you. Finally!!! I totally get that, as I have always known on some level that I should NOT be eating sugar, wheat or flour. I am not 100% sold on the need to avoid ALL wheat... I seem to be ok with certain whole grains. But for now, I will abstain from them all. My plan is to gradually incorporate some back into my life, once I have lost all the weight I need to lose.

The Journey Continues...

As with most everything I do, things start off with a bang.. then quickly fizzles out! I am referring now to my blogging efforts. I owe this to myself... to remind myself of my daily commitment to get that white poison out of my body!!!  I honestly view my relationship with flour, wheat, sugar, fried foods, and all pastries as an addiction that's as hard to break as any  drug. I also believe that it will kill me! It affects my physical and psychological health. And as much as I know this with every fiber of my being, I continue to indulge. It has to be an addiction; an illness!

As I continue with my efforts to de-carb, I am very very tired. That having been said, I had a great weekend, spending it with people who make me feel good. I went for breakfast yesterday and had my favorite; north end skillet at Sals, minus the perogy and potatoes. Kielbasa, eggs and onions, smothered with cheese. You might ask how this could possibly be healthy. Well, when your body is relying on fat instead of glucose for energy, it is merely fuel. Today, I had a generous serving of assorted sashimi for lunch. Love my raw fish. And for dinner, I made chicken and zucchini in my Nu Wave. So I am feeling quite satiated. I am down 3 pounds. My daughter surprised me with a sleep-over.... and I couldn't ask for a perfect end to an already lovely day:)  To be continued...

3409 - Day 4

Considering I only had 4 hours of sleep, I feel pretty good. Slept well.  I cooked some soft boiled eggs in the Nu Wave while I got ready for work. Took 2 for breakfast, and I had them with some cottage cheese. I happen to LOVE cottage cheese:)  I brought two pieces of babybel cheese and a handful of almonds for a snack. I found that by 0930 I was starving again. I had already eaten my breakfast, and now, I have finished my snacks for the day. What to do.. what to do. I need to go out on a pre-admission assessment so I will likely pick up a salad at subway.


That's exactly what I did. I bought a deli chopped salad, and it was delicious! For dinner, I had some garlic stuffed olives and goat cheese, and I was quite satisfied with that. Very tired, so I will go to bed and hope for more energy tomorrow. Work drains me!

3409 - Day 3

I purchased the book, Ketoactive, and I was very disappointed, to say the least. I didn't expect it to be as fanatical as it was, and it discouraged me somewhat. This woman gargles with coconut oil!!!!!! My God! She also cuts out all dairy, and takes a gazillion supplements each day.

There are things I simply will not do, and those are two of them! So... I will continue to search the literature and come up with something that is suitable for ME... something I can live with. After all, I am hoping that this is the absolute last time I have to go through this.

For breakfast, I had nothing, as I wasnt hungry. For lunch, I treated myself to sashimi... I had 10 pieces of raw samon and tuna, with some fish eggs, and a bit of mayo.
For snacks, I had almonds, and I finished off my devilled eggs. I swear, I wasnt hungry, which is a good thing. I continue to have my coffee with cream, and my water. Still having trouble remembering to drink.

Later in the evening, I went out to the M for a bit of R and R. I had it in my mind that I was only going to drink diet pepsi. And that went well until a certain friend showed up... this very generous friend of mine does not take NO for an answer, and seems to have this need to buy everyone drinks for the time he is there. Despite the fact that I told him I was only drinking diet coke, a glass of white wine was put in front of me. I didnt have the strength to leave it... I cannot stand the look of disappointment on his face. A cop-out? Some may say so, but I dont think so. I have no alcholic tendencies, and could easily take it or leave it. But disappointing people who are going out of their way to be kind? Thats a different story. So, I drank the damn wine. I found that by the time I got home, I was ravenous!!! So, I had 3 pieces of deli ham (organic, if you can believe), with some goat cheese. Again, I apologize to my Jewish family and friends:) But a gal has to do what a gal has to do.

Incidentally, I weighed myself in the am, and I was down 2 pounds:)

Journey 3,409 - Day 2

I slept well. Maybe it was the renewed resolve. Despite the fact that my hip is very sore, I feel amazingly well this morning. Woke up at 5:30 am; actually got out of bed, made coffee and cleaned the kitchen!

Yesterday was a bit trying. I had my leftover fish with a relish mayo sauce I made. I bought 2 fantastic jars of mayo at Vita Health: one was natural, and the other was a Saracha variety. Delicious! As a snack, I had a few garlic stuffed olives. And for dinner, I made lamb chops and asparagus with butter and shaved Parmesan in my Nu Wave. They turned out very nice. I cooked some hard boiled eggs in the Nu Wave, then made deviled eggs with a combination of Saracha mayo, pickle relish (Bubbi's all natural)and a bit of paprika. I felt very satisfied. However.. my body didn't seem to like the change. I experienced some pretty severe intestinal cramping. It lasted about an hour or so, then subsided. \

So onward I go!

 Today, I plan to have an omelet for breakfast. Perhaps with some Parmesan, or some goat cheese. I may even through in some asparagus. I doubt I will be hungry for lunch, but if I am, I will snack on almonds and olives. I bought some hemp protein powder and hope to experiment with it at some point in the next day or so.

I have decided that I am not going to proceed with the full blown Ketogenic diet; rather, I am going to explore the Keto-adaptive plan. I will post more about it as I go. In my readings, I discovered posts by Maria Emmerich. Her before and after pictures are absolutely amazing! She has a lot of very interesting things to say about the Keto way of life. I will be downloading her book later today, and sharing insights as I go. The one thing that is making me smile as I sit down to type, is the fact that I SO am enjoying my coffee with cream!!:) I do have to remember to drink more water!

 By the way, for those of you who may be interested in Ketosis and nutrition, check out this site http://www.ketogenic-diet-resource.com. Lots of great information. In a nutshell, eating this way switches the body's energy source from glucose to fat stores. The sited benefits are many, aside from the obvious weight loss: decrease in blood sugar, slowing the aging process, and addressing health issues such as achy joints, fatty liver, and heart burn (all things I suffer with). On a sad note, I woke up this morning, stepped on the scale, and was horrified to see that the needle hadn't changed since yesterday!!!:) Patience, Cyd... patience. They say all great things are worth waiting for.

Journey # 3,408!

I came on here today to start a blog... I had no idea I started one in 2007. One post, and POOF... forgot. A true case of ADD! My family will attest to that, for sure:) "Nothing ever gets done; You start a million things and never finish any of them". Said with love, of course:)

A lot has happenned since my last post. An understatement, really! Jeff and I parted ways April 13, 2013. I will not go into details, but suffice it to say, we are very different people. Always have been. It was a rough year, however, everyone seems to have settled into the new situation. Jeff has moved on with Karen and her family; Harlyn is engaged and planning his wedding to Jenny and Sadie and her boyfriend Scott are having fun and enjoying eachother very much. I could write volumes about my children, and how absolutely special they are to me, but not today. That is not the purpose for which I came here to write.

For those of you who know me well, you know of my struggles.... demons that I fight on a daily basis, the least of which is my struggle with food. That is what brings me here today.

I, like many other overweight folks today, have tried everything, and then some! Many of my friends lose patience with me and my latest attempt to live a normal life, where food is concerned. But through all of the crazy diets, pills, latest exercise crazes, personal trainers, self help books, juicing, blending, and starving... one thing resonates truth to me; I feel the best when I dont eat the white stuff. I have proven it time and time and time again. Yet, like the drug addict or alcoholic, I convince myself that a little bit wont hurt me, and before I know it, Im past the point where I started from. And each time I gain the weight back, my body accumulates more and more ugly looking bumps and bulges. It's also a fact that it is more difficult to shed the weight when you age. And that, I am doing!!!

So... after a few weeks of what I call "functional depression", I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of hope, and ready to take on Journey # 3,409!!

The last few days have been very foggy. I worked Saturday and Sunday. After work Sunday, I went to bed and didn't crawl out until last around 9 ish. I hadn't eaten since Sunday... so the fog had lifted somewhat. I purchased a Nu Wave oven from kijijji last week, and decided I would give it a try. So I cooked up some fish. And it wasn't half bad! I ate 1/4 of the fillet, and put the rest away for today. For whatever reason, I have completely lost my desire or capability to eat anything other than starchy/fried/processed foods. During the time I was going through my separation, I was juicing and had been doing it for about a month and a half. I was consuming an inordinate amount of kale, spinach, and other greens. And enjoying it I must say. I felt great, and full of energy. And then one day, I started to experience the WORST abdominal pain I ever felt in my life! I sat on the toilet for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for something to happen, or for the pain to pass. I had contemplated calling 911, but I couldn't get up. At one point, I actually felt my intestines turning, as if there was a blockage there and something was trying to move. All of a sudden, green gunk... resembling what I had been living on for the last while, came out of me from all orifices, with a vengeance!!! Since then, I discovered I had gall stones, which probably contributed to that horrible scenario. But after that, I have completely lost all ability to consume anything of color; meat included (unless of course it was fried or breaded). So back to my recent journey. I decided that one thing I knew for sure was that I feel better without the white stuff in my body. The trick will be in finding a way to do this for the rest of my life. The other thing I know for sure is that this YoYo dieting is going to kill me! Armed with those absolutes, I curled up in bed, IPAD in hand and started surf the web. I decided to scout for recipes for the Nu Wave oven. One thing led to another when I came across a blog from a lady who calls herself Domestica. She espouses the benefits of the Ketogenic diet, which is an offshoot of the Atkins way of life. Her sight led me to Leanne Vogal's site, and once again, I was and am convinced that this is what I need to be doing. For those of you with an interest in that way of life, check out her site at http://www.healthfulpursuit.com/ Today I will refer to as day 1 on my 3,409th journey to life long weight loss and health (and not necessarily in that order). I hope that unlike everything else I attempt, I can commit to daily blogs, including successes and failures. I do this to hold myself accountable, and also that I might help someone else who stumbles across this blog. So... here goes!! Day 1: Its 12:42 and I have yet to eat. Not because I am afraid, but because I have nothing in my fridge:) I set out this morning to get some fasting blood work done, and to go grocery shopping. Well, nothing turns out as planned. The lab was packed, and they were down to 1 technician. I did not want to miss the Young and the Restless, so I decided that I would do the blood work tomorrow, and go grocery shopping this afternoon. That is what I will do shortly. I weighed myself this morning; haven't done that for a while. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I only gained 8 lbs after my latest loss of 23. I will not say what I weigh, as quite frankly, I am embarrassed and ashamed. Which is so silly because anyone who looks at me can pretty much figure out what that number might be:) Nevertheless, indulge me, please! I suspect as my journey progresses, and with G-d's grace, I will let go of that shame and feel free to post those nasty numbers. For anyone who knows the struggles with eating and weight, you will also understand that body dysmorphia goes hand in hand with it. Quite simply explained, some days I look at myself and I see a 300 pound woman staring back at me; other times, I feel slimmer than I am. At this moment, I believe I see myself:) Off to the store I go: eggs, cream for my coffee, chicken breasts, cottage cheese, yogurt, asparagus, zucchini (the only vegetables I can think of that don't make me want to throw up!) I plan to boil some eggs when I got home and then I will finish the fish, with some broiled asparagus. I will be back tomorrow:)

So... Now What???

Well..... here we are! I feel it only fitting to tell you a little bit about what we are up to these days.

Jeff is working as a mortgage and loans broker for A+ Financial.. and loving it. Sometimes I wish I had a crowbar so that I could dislodge the cell phone from his ear:)) All kidding aside, its nice to see him doing something that makes him happy.

Haryn is now 18 years old. He is working hard.. and playing hard, which is as it should be! He values his independence, and it seems to be important to him to make his own way in the world. For the last several years, he has held down a job as a cook at Boston Pizza, while managing to maintain an A average in his studies. He plans on going into Medicine, and is hoping to get into McGill. Aside from him studies and his work, music plays a huge part in his life. He continues to take Piano lessons, and he has learned to play guitar. He has a band, which i have yet to hear..... but I do hear him playing his heavy metal tunes in the basement:) He has very ecclectic tastes where his music is concerned. I can also often hear him playing one of his classical pieces on the piano.

Sadie is 15. She is the old soul of the family. Wise beyond her years..... always has been. She has always been able to pinpoint the source of her feelings, and she has been able to verbalize how she feels more adeptly than some adults we know. An amazing trait for someone so young. She is also extrememly talented. She can imitate just about anyone or anything! She does a mean 'Fat Bastard', and she keeps us laughing with her imitations. Aside from being extremely animated, Sadie has the voice of an angel. She is currently singing with Chai, and hopes to be accepted into the professional group. Like her brother, Sadie is also a wonderful student. She excels in the language arts, and also brings home top marks. Sadie swims, takes piano, and she also volunteers once a week at the Sharon Home, where she gets involved with the seniors activities.