Journey # 3,408!

I came on here today to start a blog... I had no idea I started one in 2007. One post, and POOF... forgot. A true case of ADD! My family will attest to that, for sure:) "Nothing ever gets done; You start a million things and never finish any of them". Said with love, of course:)

A lot has happenned since my last post. An understatement, really! Jeff and I parted ways April 13, 2013. I will not go into details, but suffice it to say, we are very different people. Always have been. It was a rough year, however, everyone seems to have settled into the new situation. Jeff has moved on with Karen and her family; Harlyn is engaged and planning his wedding to Jenny and Sadie and her boyfriend Scott are having fun and enjoying eachother very much. I could write volumes about my children, and how absolutely special they are to me, but not today. That is not the purpose for which I came here to write.

For those of you who know me well, you know of my struggles.... demons that I fight on a daily basis, the least of which is my struggle with food. That is what brings me here today.

I, like many other overweight folks today, have tried everything, and then some! Many of my friends lose patience with me and my latest attempt to live a normal life, where food is concerned. But through all of the crazy diets, pills, latest exercise crazes, personal trainers, self help books, juicing, blending, and starving... one thing resonates truth to me; I feel the best when I dont eat the white stuff. I have proven it time and time and time again. Yet, like the drug addict or alcoholic, I convince myself that a little bit wont hurt me, and before I know it, Im past the point where I started from. And each time I gain the weight back, my body accumulates more and more ugly looking bumps and bulges. It's also a fact that it is more difficult to shed the weight when you age. And that, I am doing!!!

So... after a few weeks of what I call "functional depression", I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of hope, and ready to take on Journey # 3,409!!

The last few days have been very foggy. I worked Saturday and Sunday. After work Sunday, I went to bed and didn't crawl out until last around 9 ish. I hadn't eaten since Sunday... so the fog had lifted somewhat. I purchased a Nu Wave oven from kijijji last week, and decided I would give it a try. So I cooked up some fish. And it wasn't half bad! I ate 1/4 of the fillet, and put the rest away for today. For whatever reason, I have completely lost my desire or capability to eat anything other than starchy/fried/processed foods. During the time I was going through my separation, I was juicing and had been doing it for about a month and a half. I was consuming an inordinate amount of kale, spinach, and other greens. And enjoying it I must say. I felt great, and full of energy. And then one day, I started to experience the WORST abdominal pain I ever felt in my life! I sat on the toilet for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for something to happen, or for the pain to pass. I had contemplated calling 911, but I couldn't get up. At one point, I actually felt my intestines turning, as if there was a blockage there and something was trying to move. All of a sudden, green gunk... resembling what I had been living on for the last while, came out of me from all orifices, with a vengeance!!! Since then, I discovered I had gall stones, which probably contributed to that horrible scenario. But after that, I have completely lost all ability to consume anything of color; meat included (unless of course it was fried or breaded). So back to my recent journey. I decided that one thing I knew for sure was that I feel better without the white stuff in my body. The trick will be in finding a way to do this for the rest of my life. The other thing I know for sure is that this YoYo dieting is going to kill me! Armed with those absolutes, I curled up in bed, IPAD in hand and started surf the web. I decided to scout for recipes for the Nu Wave oven. One thing led to another when I came across a blog from a lady who calls herself Domestica. She espouses the benefits of the Ketogenic diet, which is an offshoot of the Atkins way of life. Her sight led me to Leanne Vogal's site, and once again, I was and am convinced that this is what I need to be doing. For those of you with an interest in that way of life, check out her site at http://www.healthfulpursuit.com/ Today I will refer to as day 1 on my 3,409th journey to life long weight loss and health (and not necessarily in that order). I hope that unlike everything else I attempt, I can commit to daily blogs, including successes and failures. I do this to hold myself accountable, and also that I might help someone else who stumbles across this blog. So... here goes!! Day 1: Its 12:42 and I have yet to eat. Not because I am afraid, but because I have nothing in my fridge:) I set out this morning to get some fasting blood work done, and to go grocery shopping. Well, nothing turns out as planned. The lab was packed, and they were down to 1 technician. I did not want to miss the Young and the Restless, so I decided that I would do the blood work tomorrow, and go grocery shopping this afternoon. That is what I will do shortly. I weighed myself this morning; haven't done that for a while. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I only gained 8 lbs after my latest loss of 23. I will not say what I weigh, as quite frankly, I am embarrassed and ashamed. Which is so silly because anyone who looks at me can pretty much figure out what that number might be:) Nevertheless, indulge me, please! I suspect as my journey progresses, and with G-d's grace, I will let go of that shame and feel free to post those nasty numbers. For anyone who knows the struggles with eating and weight, you will also understand that body dysmorphia goes hand in hand with it. Quite simply explained, some days I look at myself and I see a 300 pound woman staring back at me; other times, I feel slimmer than I am. At this moment, I believe I see myself:) Off to the store I go: eggs, cream for my coffee, chicken breasts, cottage cheese, yogurt, asparagus, zucchini (the only vegetables I can think of that don't make me want to throw up!) I plan to boil some eggs when I got home and then I will finish the fish, with some broiled asparagus. I will be back tomorrow:)